Bored.

Well I havent blogged in a while. Seems everythings getting strange in a way. We dont have too many group gatherings as much as I'd like to but I know people have their own things to do. Lesley and I got sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo drunk on friday. We split a pineapple malibu rum bottle between us two. she had about 20 shots, and i had 13, she was a rockstar. And me trying to dance like that old guy on the commercial for six flags... soo funny. Its the first time since ive been so drunk in a looooong time, about 3 years. But the exception is that this time i was so happy, and had so much fun, all i did was laugh... and thats the way it should always be. im 19 and i shouldnt have any problems that need crying over. I should be able to sit back and relax, and enjoy every minute of my young years.

I feel like I'm constantly struggling to find out who I am. But I don't feel like getting into that.
My tattoo is healing up really well. No more scabs on it, just the skin has to renew itself. Has anyone ever thought "If I died right now, who would be at my funeral?" like obviously it's not a literal question. But I've been thinking of it lately, wondering what my friends think of me, and what kind of person I am, to myself, and to them. Weird, how I can't picture myself in a third person perspective.. of myself.

UGH.. so many thoughts.. but makes me feel that if I say all of them on here, I'll sound like I need counselling.

Maybe I'll leave this one up to a venting day.

I'm going to go and chill for a while.

Achievement.

I got accepted to UTM today... and i was super excited! Although i know exactly which one i was planning to go to all along, getting accepted to all three universities that i applied to makes me feel extremely good about myself, and knowing that all that work was worth it... definately worth it. Im looking at the world in different eyes... in a more optomistic way instead of my pessimistic usual views. But i like my pessimistic views... only because i dont bring my hopes up too high, and if something does fail.. i wont be upset at it all that much, and my self esteem which is easily damaged will survive.
But somehow i feel like im on the top of the world, but that everybodys up here with me. Im looking up more often as i walk on the streets, im looking at the brighter side of things when others seem like ive had it bad in those "wow, its seems like a bad day for you" kind of way. I mean, whats the point of getting so mad? what does it really accomplish?? OF COURSE im going to have my usual weekly or monthly RANT where i will blurt out something horrific like "I WANT TO KILL YOU!!" but thats because as soon as im done.. i feel soo much better, and that im able to think rationably!!! and in all honesty... i love it. I love ranting, getting everything out at the moment instead of supressing it.. why not let it out to those willing to listen?
What i love most.. is listening to people rant.. because then you can sit back, and laugh at the things they say, and even join in for the fun of it while relieving the other persons anger!!

But i dont really have anything to rant about today.. well i did. earlier.. about my work at sunrise, but thats another story for another long blog! OR just yell it out to PJ and lesley! LOL poor PJ.. usually my rantings to him end up in a either hitting him to get my anger out at someone totally different.. or him never hearing the end of it yelling rant lol, that lasts about an hour. BUT HEY! what are boyfriends for!!! :P
Anyway.. on other news, my tattoo is healing nicely!!!! a bit scabby, not as much as i thought.. which is good, cus its healing better than i thought. And if i were a lesbian... id hump lesley and her SEXY ASS TATTOO!!!!!!! SO NICE! lol. well returning to my straightness...
LESLEY! we gotta go watch the amityville horror together so we can either a) laugh at its stupidness or b) DIE FROM HORRIBLE SCARED TO DEATH SYNDROME!

LOL.. i'll give you a ringy dingy this weekend to go see it.
Im going to sleep im tired!
BYE ALL.

Tattoo.

YAY!!! les and i finally did it. we got our tattoos today... and well to be honest... it really did hurt. ESPECIALLY the outlining! GOOD HEAVENS! anyway, i love mine, it is super hot, might be a bit too colourful, but i still love it.

Now that thats over, i also got the job at jeans experts!!! and i already have 4 shifts this week!! wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday. amazing! more hours at what looks to be like such a fun store to work at!

ANOTHER good thing... i got another paycheque from the government. this time for $100. My last cheque was from GST which was only $56 but still, i get #156 total!!! amazing again!!! today is certainly a good day, and this week i get to show off my beautiful tattoo that will be there for life.... but really if one day i dont want it, when im old.. i can easily do laser surgery, and technology will be soooooo awesome then, and plus, when i get older, i wont be using such clothes that reveal skin, so even if there is a slight scar, it wont be able to show!!!!

but i love it. it shows the cute, yet fantasy side of me with stars, moon, and fairy.
i should name my fairy Alexa. or maybe some other mystical name. teehee. im excited. My mom thinks its a bit big, but i disagree. its perfect size. and my dad doesnt know of it.

anyway, i'll blog another day. goodnight all!

Staples.

So now that i feel that im done and finished a new chapter of my life. I had the feeling to start over anew. Which is the best feeling ever. I felt a little bad when i realized how much anger i had in me, but holding it in isnt any better. BUT thats done and over with, and we are "healed" from such anger that all is left is sadness and misunderstandings with peoples reasoning, and sometimes even our own. But moving along...

Today was a really nice day actually. Sun was bright and shining, but it was just a little windy. I went to leger to see if anyone had that APA guide book that i could by... but they didnt. (what kind of school is that?!?!?) but whatever. So me and les went to perk's today, and even she felt it too... all the anger gone. We really dont dislike anybody, we just get really frustrated at the things people do sometimes... and thats bound to happen.. and others are bound to get frustrated at us in return. Just the way life goes.

We walked to the bus terminal, and i took the bus to shoppers, which is the same bus she can also take to go home and sleep. I went to the mall to make some photocopies of my resume and cover letter at staples.. heres the funny story of the day that almost traumatized me...

So i go to staples... and theres a girl there, thats wearing the "photocopy centre" apron on and all.. and i pass her my floppy disk so that she can make copies of my resume. She took down my information like my name and number and the amount of copies... then she said to me "it will take about 30 minutes or so"
"WHAT?!?!" lol... "it takes 30 minutes to do 15 copies????" and she had told me that the girl was on break and she didnt know how to do it.. but she would try...
So she waddled over to the computer.. and seconds later came back and said "it doesnt want to go in the computer" and i told her.. "is there another floppy in there?" "no" she replied... "so then whats the problem?? just shove it in the drive!"
so she went back and forth trying to figure out what to do. Then she finally got it in the drive.
She THEN told me that she didnt know how to send it to the printer. GOOD GRACIOUS!
so i said "Press.. PRINT."
she did.. and magically by some misterious force... it worked!!!!!!!!!! (duh) Then a minute later she turned around to ask me

"do you know how to make more than one copy?" and i just looked at her blankly.
"file, print.. and it asks you how many copies you want." so shes like "ohh okay"
so it took about 20 minutes to print out 15 resumes which should have taken 2 minutes!

So the total for it all was $6 so i was like.... wait a minute... $6??? how much are they each?!
and she told me that its a $3 charge to open up a floppy.... HOLY HELL!!!!!!! talk about criminal! Last time i did that in staples, she didnt charge me the $3 floppy opening.

SO i was just like FINE whatever... she gave me the copies..and while i was trying to get my stuff together to leave.. an old indian man behind me PUSHED me aside so he can use the counter to count his copies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that the hell!!!! im TRYING to have a good day here people.. really, give me SOME credit. SO i shoved him back and left.

What i dont understand is if you dont know how to do anything.. why are you working there? why are you in charge of doing that if you have no capabilities with technology?!?!
She looked my age, and really when you're this age and its the year 2005... what are you thinking when you dont know how to put a floppy inside a computer?! what are you getting paid for?

So okay.. maybe she doesnt work in that department.. well then staples is stupid for putting someone there that doesnt know how to operate any sort of technology.
Because the man before me wanted to ship something out.. and she didnt know how to do that either.... so what DO you know how to do??? what are you getting paid for?

Another thing that bothers me... is that there are people out there that are LOOKING for jobs like that.. but arent given the time of day.. yet they hire people who dont know what they're doing AT ALL? how does that make sense?

Thats the last time i go there. from now on, i'll just keep buying good cartridges for my computer, print one out, and then just photocopy it. Cus really that was just a waste of my time and my patience.
I can understand if you are old and dont know how to use the computer.. but she spoke Clear english, and looked no more than 20 years old.. and you WORK there... so really theres no excuse on not knowing how to use a computer... have you never been to school? or interacted with any type of technology? somethings missing, but it just doesnt make any sense.

anyway lol that was a funny story though. maybe not funny at the time. but ah well!!!!
i'll blog soon.

Blue and Yellow.

Well.. today has certainly been a quick day to end. I went to work today at sunrise... and i listened to the used... oh how i loved.
I must agree with anika when she says...
WHY IS IT SNOWING IN APRIL?!?!?!? Clearly we have made this world extremely warped! LOL! good gracious. But not only is it snowing.. its a storm of death! i stepped out of the house and i almost suffocated on the unexpected wind that blew at like 120 km/h right towards me.

What a horrific experience yesterday that lesley had with that monstrous person who was following her in a car.. LIKE REALLY... why do people have to be such creeps sometimes! ESPECIALLY when they tell you directly to "fuck off" and that they dont want you in their presence... how traumatizing.. really. GAH! SUCH creeps! STUPID subarus, and their creepy owners.

It just hit me that its april... why is it snowing!!!!! lol.. i should get over that.
I had a lot of time to think about everything. And i believe the truth is.. not any of these problems has actually hit me yet. I know they're there.. but strange thing happened.
Woke up this morning... and totally felt normal, like everything was back to normal and nothing bad really happened... then i kind had to remind myself "Oh yea..."

Music has seriously helped me. OH MUSIC where would i be without thou?
One song.. which TOTALLY get me mellowed out is The Used - Blue and Yellow.
SUCH a good song. i'll post up the lyrics at the end of this blog.

I think most my anger is gone. All thats left is just mellowness. Took a while for my anger to subside, but this weekends "group therapy" of getting away from everything really helped. We had time to just sit back and listen to beautiful music all day until 1 in the morning.

I have more hope than ever, and my problems arent getting me down like usual. Gives me more patience to deal with them.

Im planning on going to leger tomorrow to buy one of those books that i always see teachers carrying around on how to write proper essays and lab reports.. i think that will be really helpful and useful when it comes to university, or even scholarship essays.

In my journey there, i'll visit PJ and Lesley for a bit. Then off to go hand out some resumes.

Anyway, i'm ending this blog with the lyrics like i said.. enjoy, and download if you can!

The Used - Blue and Yellow.

and it's all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it's a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you're never gonna find it
if you're looking for it
won't come your way
well you'll never find it
if you're looking for it

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you

waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste my time with you

should've said something but I've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste my time with you

should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you
waste some time with you

[whispering:]
should've done something but I've done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

Great.

We'll this weekend was what i needed. Went over to Geordies and forgot about my problems for one night... SO many things that are going on that are enraging me, but... apparently my blogs offend people, so i wont tonight. I'll save that for a more angrier day hahaha.

anyway for tonight, everythings going right, and everything seems okay. and im actually feeling happy :D yay for me!

I guess after having a break with everything i should be able to come up with some solutions to things. But for now... its relaxing time and feeling free from problems and life in general.

And thats the feeling i needed the most right now.
So to another day full of journeys and solutions it is.
Ta Ta For now!! haha lesley!

UGH!

I HAATTTTEEEE STTTUUUPPPIIIIIDDD PPPPPEEEEOOOOPPPLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for all of those who DONT know how to stay out of my fucking business... get a life.. really... i advise you to do so.

Yay!

Well funny story as it seems... i took a shower and i was in my room trying to put some clothes on, when the doorbell rang, and i threw on a house coat and answered the door. It was the mailman. He seemed forever horrified because i almost let go of my housecoat and would have exposed myself. BUTTTTT... on the GOOD side... he gave me an envelope that had nipissing on it.. so i opened it and found out that i was admitted to nipissing AND i was the 3rd one to be admitted!!!!
So... i went to perks today with lesley and we had some good moments like the outraging coke can of doom, and my "win some lose some" expression. But afterwards we went to my house for a while, i burnt her the my chemical romance cd. We got bored so we went to the park and had the most "cavity creating" that its so sweet girl talk ever hahaha.
Of to Geordies house where we spent some time laughing and just being stupid. We all had a talk about nipissing and how much fun it would be if we all went there. Now im really torn. i mean... i really want to go to york, cus that was my first choice... but i really want to go somewhere with people that i know. I mean if i DONT like the people that i meet.. well i will have lesley and Geordie... but i LOVE york. GAH i really dont know what to do. But truth be told i dont think it would be convenient for me to go to Nipissing. but i guess we'll see what happens, i still have time to change my mind.
PJ didnt end up coming to Geordies house.. aka IAN!!!!!!!! because he fell asleep... like that surprises me at all.. and nobody in his house has the guts to wake him up.. so they all just let him sleep.. which they shouldnt, because in that case he'll never get his sleeping habits straightened out. SOOOO.. im going out with lesley tomorrow.. and PJ wont be invited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because he fell asleep! HA! thats your consequence!
anyway, thats all i have to say for now, i'll post when i feel like it again!! TTFN is for irish people! HAHAHAHAHA